Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
honey bunches of taint.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
