I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
