Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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