The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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