he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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