Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
