good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
