we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
