i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
