By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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