First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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