"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
