I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
