his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
