the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need a beard to bite.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
