So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
