I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
