Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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