Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
