That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
