don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
