it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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