Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish there were birth control emojis
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
