Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
