this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
