We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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