My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
