Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
