some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
