You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
