Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
