Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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