i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
