This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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