I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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