Redeem this text for a blowjob
the day after is always just damage control
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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