i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
