I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
