Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
