she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
