In America we eat man semen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
