I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
