I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They took my balls.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
