I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
