It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
