My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
