guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
