I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you would pick up someone in the library
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
