The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
