Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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